Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Bubblevicious

Bubbles: n.
1. a fun childhood memory, a children's plaything
2. a wonderful merriment of delight and awe for any kid
3. a vicious weapon often used to assault police officers

Which of the above definitions (1-3) is most accurate?

The correct answer is: 3.

Yes, bubbles are a vicious weapon most often utilized by leftist commie protesters in their vicious, violent attacks against the establishment. Tens of cops have been brutally battered by bubbles in recent years. Some unfortunate victims of these attacks even had to go so far as to rinse their eyes out with water! Bubbles are a cancer on our society, and in the hands of the wrong person: a WMD.

It is a true fact, and I will attest to it, that bubbles were the one thing most commonly cited as a reason to go to war with Iraq. Troops might've never found the vast bubble caches that Saddam Hussein had stashed around his empire, but that doesn't mean they didn't and still don't pose a threat. Somebody out there has those bubbles, and soon, they will strike with them again.

Take for instance, Constable Adam Josephs of the Toronto Police Services, who was brutally victimized by a young woman during the G20 protests this Summer. Josephs, whose real name is Officer Bubbles, had bubbles blown into his face by a young lady, even after he had warned her to stop. His ego was crushed by this meddling young lady - SHE WASN'T RESPECTIN HIS AUTHORITAY![1]

Unfortunately, while Josephs survived the incident, he did have to be worked on by emergency medical workers due to a severe case of ego bruising.

Bubble Joker:
The most dangerous villain
(aka cop) alive.
Officer Bubbles's troubles don't stop there, though, folks. After this incident was aired on YouTube, the comments poured in. The victim became a further victim when people began to ridicule him. When someone is down, you shouldn't kick them, but yet people did. Over 23 people posted rude comments about it; these people utilized biting wit, sharpened sarcasm, and scandalous satire.

Where is the sense in some people? How can we, as a people of this planet, continue to abuse each other in this way? One man even went out of his way to viciously attack Officer Bubbles, stating, "officer bubbles probably looks at himself in the mirror a lot."[2]

Sadly, the vicious defamation Officer Bubbles endured took its toll recently, and he was hospitalized with a severe case of butt-hurt. Thankfully, he pulled through the procedure and survived his debilitating disease, but not before spending millions of dollars during the course of his hospital stay. Thankfully, the Canadian court system has allowed him to place the blame where it belongs: those who made the vicious comments.[3]

Officer Bubbles has named the following defendants in a lawsuit designed to pay for his vast medical bills, stemming from the severe case of butt-hurt he received: 23 YouTube commenters, YouTube, and the author of a parody video mocking his AUTHORITAY!

1. Original video featuring Officer Bubbles yelling at someone for... Blowing bubbles at him.
2. Article about Todd Mara, a defendant in the lawsuit by "Officer Bubbles".
3. Overview of the entire thing.