Or "Same Sex Relationships in Star Wars" and why the Family Research Council should collectively swallow a cyanide pill (and a load from my cock).
The Family Research Council (sometimes known as The Family Retard Coucil) is up in arms (short, stubby little ones like T-Rex: they are very useless) over the new BioWare game, "STAR WARS THE OLD REPUBLIC". I, too, am up in arms... Raving about how great it is! But, since that isn't what this blog is about (ever, for the most part), we'll not really discuss how great it is.
In a blog post on January 23rd, 2012, an FRC author wrote the following:
Rebel Fleet Surrenders to Gay Empire In a new Star Wars game, the biggest threat to the empire may be homosexual activists! Hello, I'm Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council in Washington, D.C. In a galaxy not so far far away, Star Wars gamers have already gone to the dark side. The new video game, Star Wars: The Old Republic, has added a special feature: gay relationships. Bioware, the company that developed the game, said it's launching a same-sex romance component to satisfy some complaints. That surprised a lot of gamers, since Bioware had made it clear in 2009 that "gay" and "lesbian" don't exist in the Star Wars universe. Since the announcement, homosexuals have been celebrating the news, but parents sure aren't. On the game's website, there are more than 300 pages of comments--a lot of them expressing anger that their kids will be exposed to this Star Warped way of thinking. You can join them by logging on and speaking up. It's time to show companies who the Force is really with! [1]
So, now we will dissect exactly how fucking stupid that post is/was... And believe me, it's stupid! I mean, I know that sounds out of the ordinary for a group that claims to hate homosexuals but spends their day-to-day lives obsessing over them, but trust me, this is above and beyond!
First off, we'll get the most obvious factual error out of the way:
This game is set in the Republic era, meaning that there is not "Rebel Fleet" surrendering to The Empire. During this era, THE SITH EMPIRE is, in fact, the rebellion. Now that I'm done with the nerd portion of this blog, on to the sheer stupidity and attempts to figure out JUST HOW INSANELY OBSESSED THEY ARE WITH TWO MEN (or women) HAVING SEX WITH ONE ANOTHER!
DUN DUN DUN.
For an organization that CLAIMS to be all about "family values", they certainly dropped the ball here. As of January 23rd, the game was out for one month and three days, and it just now became a blip on their radar. This blip, of course, was caused by the fact that the developer, BioWare, announced that one Twi'Lek male might be able to bend another one over the counter soon and have his way with him (some people might be turned on by this - I am not one of them - give me Wookies any day!).[2]
Before BioWare announced the possibility of homosexual relationships in their game, FRC did not give ONE FUCK (or shit or damn) about this game. Trust me, I know this to be fact, as a search on their site for the phrase, "Star Wars", only returns this one article and another from April 21st, which has to do with human cloning. So, as we can see, BioWare's interest in trying to make the game more inclusive for people is the one thing that bothers them.
And why shouldn't it be? We all know that to people like that, homosexuality is an abomination against "God" and nature. I don't agree with it, but we know that is how they feel. Which brings me to my points:
Last I checked, extra-marital and pre-marital sex are also again "family values". And guess what, folks? I've played this awesome game (as I said in the intro) and it is RIFE with scenes of my smuggler walking off the screen with a random female (often times not even of his species - TRUE INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS). Did that bother them? Where were they when the game came out December 20th? Polishing their jackboots? Too busy just hating on gays while pretending to be for "family values"?
Well, as you can imagine, I'm not finished yet. Nope, not even close! This game contained, in the first 10 levels of the smuggler class: two scenes where I was given the option to execute somebody, a scene where I could steal medical supplies from war-torn refugees, a quest where I could lie to a mother about what happened to her son and a hots of other things that would typically be considered "morally wrong" by these people. And with all of that, they were still NOWHERE to be found!
Oh, I'm not finished yet! The Sith Warrior class has a female companion that comes with a shock collar. You can torture her to "put her in her place" or all sorts of other creepy things. But hey, that's okay, right? After all, "family values" is all about keeping a woman in her place, right?
Yeah, the FRC is ALL ABOUT family values, if "family values" was defined by Webster[3] himself as, "hating homosexual people and everything they do".
On a related note, it's high-time we started accepting those Wookies that were born with rainbow coats. They exist, and we cannot continue to rake over them (or mouse over, since this is in the internet) and pretend that they don't exist. Chewbacca loved men and that is the end of it.[4]
1. Original article
2. Let's be honest, it'll probably end up that 80% of homosexual happenings in Star Wars is little Tommy in his mom's basement trying to make sure his hot Chiss babe makes out with some other hot Chiss babe.
3. And I don't mean the show starring little person actor Emmanuel Lewis!
4. It's a little-known fact that this is why he ended up in Imperial hands where he met his life-mate, Han Solo. It is also a little-known fact that The Galactic Empire was started by Darth Sideous, whose given name was James Dobson.
The Family Research Council (sometimes known as The Family Retard Coucil) is up in arms (short, stubby little ones like T-Rex: they are very useless) over the new BioWare game, "STAR WARS THE OLD REPUBLIC". I, too, am up in arms... Raving about how great it is! But, since that isn't what this blog is about (ever, for the most part), we'll not really discuss how great it is.
In a blog post on January 23rd, 2012, an FRC author wrote the following:
Rebel Fleet Surrenders to Gay Empire In a new Star Wars game, the biggest threat to the empire may be homosexual activists! Hello, I'm Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council in Washington, D.C. In a galaxy not so far far away, Star Wars gamers have already gone to the dark side. The new video game, Star Wars: The Old Republic, has added a special feature: gay relationships. Bioware, the company that developed the game, said it's launching a same-sex romance component to satisfy some complaints. That surprised a lot of gamers, since Bioware had made it clear in 2009 that "gay" and "lesbian" don't exist in the Star Wars universe. Since the announcement, homosexuals have been celebrating the news, but parents sure aren't. On the game's website, there are more than 300 pages of comments--a lot of them expressing anger that their kids will be exposed to this Star Warped way of thinking. You can join them by logging on and speaking up. It's time to show companies who the Force is really with! [1]
So, now we will dissect exactly how fucking stupid that post is/was... And believe me, it's stupid! I mean, I know that sounds out of the ordinary for a group that claims to hate homosexuals but spends their day-to-day lives obsessing over them, but trust me, this is above and beyond!
First off, we'll get the most obvious factual error out of the way:
This game is set in the Republic era, meaning that there is not "Rebel Fleet" surrendering to The Empire. During this era, THE SITH EMPIRE is, in fact, the rebellion. Now that I'm done with the nerd portion of this blog, on to the sheer stupidity and attempts to figure out JUST HOW INSANELY OBSESSED THEY ARE WITH TWO MEN (or women) HAVING SEX WITH ONE ANOTHER!
DUN DUN DUN.
For an organization that CLAIMS to be all about "family values", they certainly dropped the ball here. As of January 23rd, the game was out for one month and three days, and it just now became a blip on their radar. This blip, of course, was caused by the fact that the developer, BioWare, announced that one Twi'Lek male might be able to bend another one over the counter soon and have his way with him (some people might be turned on by this - I am not one of them - give me Wookies any day!).[2]
 |
| I got my ass kicked. Shit's serious! |
And why shouldn't it be? We all know that to people like that, homosexuality is an abomination against "God" and nature. I don't agree with it, but we know that is how they feel. Which brings me to my points:
Last I checked, extra-marital and pre-marital sex are also again "family values". And guess what, folks? I've played this awesome game (as I said in the intro) and it is RIFE with scenes of my smuggler walking off the screen with a random female (often times not even of his species - TRUE INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS). Did that bother them? Where were they when the game came out December 20th? Polishing their jackboots? Too busy just hating on gays while pretending to be for "family values"?
Well, as you can imagine, I'm not finished yet. Nope, not even close! This game contained, in the first 10 levels of the smuggler class: two scenes where I was given the option to execute somebody, a scene where I could steal medical supplies from war-torn refugees, a quest where I could lie to a mother about what happened to her son and a hots of other things that would typically be considered "morally wrong" by these people. And with all of that, they were still NOWHERE to be found!
Oh, I'm not finished yet! The Sith Warrior class has a female companion that comes with a shock collar. You can torture her to "put her in her place" or all sorts of other creepy things. But hey, that's okay, right? After all, "family values" is all about keeping a woman in her place, right?
Yeah, the FRC is ALL ABOUT family values, if "family values" was defined by Webster[3] himself as, "hating homosexual people and everything they do".
On a related note, it's high-time we started accepting those Wookies that were born with rainbow coats. They exist, and we cannot continue to rake over them (or mouse over, since this is in the internet) and pretend that they don't exist. Chewbacca loved men and that is the end of it.[4]
1. Original article
2. Let's be honest, it'll probably end up that 80% of homosexual happenings in Star Wars is little Tommy in his mom's basement trying to make sure his hot Chiss babe makes out with some other hot Chiss babe.
3. And I don't mean the show starring little person actor Emmanuel Lewis!
4. It's a little-known fact that this is why he ended up in Imperial hands where he met his life-mate, Han Solo. It is also a little-known fact that The Galactic Empire was started by Darth Sideous, whose given name was James Dobson.
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