Fuck their lives. All of these idiots.

From FMYLIFE.COM, we have a winner:

Today, my daughter was expelled from her school for beating another kindergartener with a Dr. Seuss book. FML^[1]

That's all fine and dandy, as that is typically what kids that age do, as they are too young to know any better most of the time. I'm not saying that it's okay for them to slug the shit out of each other and break each other's noses, etc, etc, just that hitting someone with a book (especially a Dr. Seuss book - it'd be like open-palm slapping someone) isn't a huge deal.

But I guess I'm just a fucking idiot or something and don't understand children, because tons of other people - ones who have likely not had kids either - know better than I do!

What are you teaching your child? It sounds like she has been exposed to a lot of violence!

Perhaps, instead, it's simply because the child is five.^[2]

What a violent little child you have on your hands. Hahaha. How exactly are you raising your child? Or is it because you're not raising her that she's so...expressive and undisciplined?

Or, again, she's just, I dunno... Five?

Oh wow your daigher is violent!!
::///

I think the person who wrote that is also five, based on their horrid spelling.

OP's daughter might have older siblings that are teaching the violence not the parent... just saying. Ha and your daughter is a badass lol reminds me of myself a little bit...

OR NOBODY AT ALL TAUGHT HER VIOLENCE, IT'S JUST HOW KIDS SOMETIMES EXPRESS THEMSELVES BECAUSE THEY DON'T FUCKING KNOW ANY BETTER.

Jesus, I'm sure glad the fucking FML Psychiatrist Association exists to psychoanalyze every fucking FML and explain the behavior of the person in question (see: Girls are touchy about their weight). Without them, we'd never know that some children will ogrow up to be serial killers... All because they were allowed to smack somebody with a copy of "Horton Hears a Who." I'm glad these folks are here to put a stop to it and save this precious little girl!

1. Original post.
2. I say five, but I really don't know. Five is the median age for kids in kindergarten though, so it sounds like a fair assertion.

Twilight.

Yep, I'm writing a fucking blog about Twilight. Why? Because I have a little bit of an issue with it. And by "it", I mean the average person who hates it.

First, let's get some stuff out of the way:

Twilight is bad. It's not well-written, and the movies aren't well-done. They're juvenile, teenage fantasy about love, lust and scary monsters. The ineffectual female lead needs men to protect her from everything, which just leads to more teen girls thinking they need a hero man around instead of being strong and doing stuff for themselves.

Now, on to my point...

I have been hearing for years now about how "Twilight is a bad vampire movie", and "Twilight has taken all of the scariness out of vampires", and "Twilight makes fun of good vampire entertainment culture".

Well, fuck all of you people.

"Good vampire entertainment culture"??? What in the fuck is that? It's a bad vampire movie? I'm pretty sure there hasn't been a good vampire movie since 1994, if you can even consider "Interview With a Vampire" to be one.^[1]

Before that, there were plenty of good vampire movies. (Like 1970's Vampyros Lesbos!)

• Blade? Awful.
• Underworld series? Awful.
• Dracula 2000? Seriously, it had "Hyde" from "That 70s Show" in it. That says enough right there.
• Van Helsing? Jesus Christ, that was unwatchable... And I even LIKE Hugh Jackman most of the time!
• John Carpenter's Vampires. All right, I can almost give you this one. It was a b-movie and it was kinda glorious at times. But it really wasn't that scary, just violent. So, my point remains: Twilight didn't take the scariness out of vampires, because there was none to begin with.

And actually, I'd argue that "Interview" itself made them all kinda romantic-like figures. So there you have it, Twilight didn't make vampires less scary, because they already weren't scary. It didn't make them romantic pansies, because Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise already did that.

So, what I'm saying is this: Twilight has not ruined vampires in the entertainment media, because Hollywood has done that themselves. If you're one of those people that runs around in real life or the Internet, complaining about how Twilight ruined vampires and vampire culture, go fuck yourself.

1. A list of the best 70 vampire movies of all-time. I dare you to try to find me a good one since "Interview".