Change.org wants to force me to gay marry my straight male roommate!

Conservatives LOVE to talk about "the homosexual agenda", and I like to reply to their claims by saying, "you're all morons". However, there are things recently that are going to make it much harder to claim such... For instance, this, a petition on Change.org:

We are not asking that Sesame Street do anything crude or disrespectful. Only that they allow Bert & Ernie to marry^[1]

That's sweet and all, but they are ignoring the fact that BERT & ERNIE ARE NOT GAY. The creators have been stating for years that they are NOT gay! In fact, there are NO couples on Sesame Street, gay OR straight... Period!

By steadfastly suggesting that these two muppets ARE gay (despite the fact that their creators have stated otherwise), they are suggesting that two men cannot live together and be straight. By demanding that they get married, they are demanding that two straight men get married. How is this doing ANYTHING REMOTELY GOOD for gay rights?

It's all you need. Except when
it's forced on you.

OH RIGHT, IT'S FUCKING NOT. Instead, it's taking the whole thing back. Some anti-gay crusaders LOVE to say that homosexuals "recruit" straight people into their lifestyle, while others claim they want to push EVERYBODY into their "deviant behavior" and "force people to gay marry". Normally, I'd say "You're a bunch of fucking idiots, because nobody feels that way."

But now? Well, now I can't do that anymore, because, guess what, over 660 people apparently ACTUALLY FEEL THAT WAY!^[2]

I have a male roommate, and despite what Change.org would suggest, and to quote Jay (of Jay & Silent Bob), "We ain't gay". And despite what Change.org might demand, we're not getting gay married.

Change.org, please stop. Just stop the madness. This is the second time I've felt the need to talk about how fucking stupid you are. Just do us all a favor and end your miserable existence. Please?

1. Change.org Petition
2. As of writing this, 669 people have signed the petition to force two straight men to get gay-married.