When I Was Younger, Things Were Much More Simple

The above title may be a clever title, or it may be true. I'm banking on it being true, however.

When I was younger, some things were simple. You knew who stood for what and understood how if one thing is considered immoral, another thing probably was, too.

DOGS AND CATS
LIVING TOGETHER!
MASS HYSTERIA!

When I was younger, if someone made a big deal out of believing that homosexuality was wrong, it was simple to assume - correctly - that they also thought that adults molesting children was wrong. This assumption was especially correct if the adults in question were men molesting, and they happened to be molesting children that were boys. Of course, that's just what I've always thought. I lived by those assumptions, and they served me well over the years. Until now.

As it turns out, my entire worldview was incorrect. I'm sitting here now, in my late 20s, confused as all "get-out". I no longer know which was is up and which way is down. Soon dogs and cats will be living together and there will be mass hysteria.

My worldview was proven incorrect by The Boy Scouts of America. You see, sometimes, when a group says, "We don't like homosexuals, we won't allow them to be in our group, and we think they're all immoral abominations against God", they don't mean that all. What they mean, when saying that is: "If we catch you molesting young boys, we'll ask you to leave. Oh, and we'll also put your name on a private list and stuff, but never do anything with it."^[1]

Coming this Fall to
theaters everywhere!

Apparently, Boy Scout leaders just wanted to play Oskar Schindler.^[3] You know, making a list and getting people out. Except their version was without the whole "hope factor" that Schindler gave to some people. If we can take any consolation in this, at least they didn't need an Amon Goeth to remind them that their list was just a cruel joke that gave what was possibly false hope to the victims of these accused Boy Scout Leaders, as nobody wants him around... I mean, that dude was played by Lord-fuckin'-Voldemort and shit!

1. It should be noted that the list is NOTHING like Schindler's list... Unless Liam Neeson is one of the higher-up members of the Boy Scouts of America... And he's okay with child molestation.
2. Source
3. Robert Mazzuca is the BSA's highest-ranking person at this point in time.

God's Chosen Pedophiles

It's pretty common knowledge that, for centuries, practitioners of Judaism molested children, completely unabated. While the Hebrew people wandered the desert for 40 years, they touched children from all manner of different tribes and cultures. The First-Born Egyptian children were first molested by Hebrew priests before being put to death by the spirit of God during Passover. And, before Jesus H Christ was put to death at the hands of the Romans, he too participated in the sexual assault of minor children.

Throughout history, these practices were so common, one might say that such activities flow through the veins of the Jewish people. It's almost certainly a reasonable idea, I'd say.

And while this was a common practice for many, many years, it all stopped thanks for one brave man that stood up against the corruption of the Jews. That brave man's name was Adolf Hitler. Hitler will go down in history as a savior to children everywhere. Thanks to his death camps, many children were spared sexual abuse at the hands of Jewish people.

Wait. WAIT. WAIT.

None of that makes any sense. None of it all. Not ONE bit of it. I don't remember ANY of it being taught in history class, and I've never even read such fantastic, fanatically anti-Semitic fiction in any sorta revisionist, white-power propaganda book, either!

So why did I just write all of it? Oh, well, it's simple, really. I wrote it because THE PERSECUTION THE CATHOLICS ARE FACING OVER THEIR CHILD MOLESTATION SCANDALS IS JUST LIKE ANTI-SEMITISM AND STUFF!

No, really! It is, don't you see it!? I'm not just making this up! It's really far too ridiculous to make up.

Just go ahead and read about it:

ROME — A senior Vatican priest, speaking before Pope Benedict XVI at a Good Friday service, compared the world’s outrage at sexual abuse scandals in the Catholic Church to the persecution of the Jews...^[1]

See? Someone with a position of authority in the Catholic church actually said that. So, after reading that, my only real thought was, "How?"!

"How?" was an easy question to answer. The little bit of fiction I posted above explains it perfectly, I'd say. And if you don't believe that bit of fiction, then I really don't see how it makes any sense. So, while I'm not a conspiracy-theorist by any stretch of the imagination, I must believe that somehow, what I've come up with, is a valid theory, and historical fact.

I'll put it this way: If I don't believe my little story, my brain my implode. Without my story, I can't accept the comments by the Vatican priest; to even acknowledge their existence is too much, otherwise.

1. Source