I am afraid, I am very afraid. I fear many things, some irrational (zombies, robot and/or alien overlords for start) and some are rational (like a Palin Presidency)[1]. There are things that other people fear that I find out right hilarious - Barack Obama is a socialist, immigrants are taking our jobs, the gay agenda, Muslims are taking over America - to name a few.
But today, today I learned that I was only half-right on one of those. Today is the day that I learned of something more sinister than the gay agenda: TheGay Agenda.
You see, when put into the perspective of a proper noun like above, gays become much more of a sinister force. The power of a proper noun like "TheGays" really permeates my deepest layers of my mind, filling me with feelings of horror and dread. The power of such a proper noun is so strong that my mind ceases to function. I cannot, for the life of me, fathom what the world will be like when TheGays take over.
Now, you have to be wondering where I learned of such an awesome, powerful organization? Well, I learned of TheGays from foxnewscomments.com. FoxNewsComments is a website that collects the only the shiniest of gems from Fox News commenters.[2]
Throughout the site, I noticed many comments about "the gays" (and their agenda), but I was no afraid. But then, I noticed several horrifying comments about the frightfulness of "TheGays". When I read the capital letters, I instantly understood that I should fear them, for they are a true organization of power, hell-bent on converting us all to butt-fucking, carpet-licking glory.
But my fear doesn't stop there, no, not at all... Because once I realized how horrible a proper noun can be, I realized that there are far, far worse proper nouns to be had in this world.
Without further ado, I give you: TheStupids. Yes, TheStupids, a vast conspiracy of stupid people, hellbent on destroying America's inquisitive, intellectual nature, whose ultimate enemy is tolerant, well-thinking people. TheStupids don't just want to destroy the world, they want to rule it once they've destroyed it (much like Sauron).[3]
TheStupids home base seems to be foxnews.com. We must fight them, America. We must fight them, indeed.
As a parting note, everybody better stay quiet and not let the guy here know that they just cured a guy of HIV in Berlin... It might blow his fucking brain up.
1. Sarah Palin, of course... Not Michael Palin of Monty Python fame... Not that he could be President anyway, as he's not even American. In fact, he was born in England, which is slightly more than one swallow's flight away from here. That'd be an unladen swallow, even.
2. I would say it has an apt title. Just like "Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Film".
3. They are more awful than the Legendary Black Beast of Agggh. And, unfortunately, cannot be destroyed by causing a heart attack in an animator.
But today, today I learned that I was only half-right on one of those. Today is the day that I learned of something more sinister than the gay agenda: TheGay Agenda.
You see, when put into the perspective of a proper noun like above, gays become much more of a sinister force. The power of a proper noun like "TheGays" really permeates my deepest layers of my mind, filling me with feelings of horror and dread. The power of such a proper noun is so strong that my mind ceases to function. I cannot, for the life of me, fathom what the world will be like when TheGays take over.
Now, you have to be wondering where I learned of such an awesome, powerful organization? Well, I learned of TheGays from foxnewscomments.com. FoxNewsComments is a website that collects the only the shiniest of gems from Fox News commenters.[2]
Throughout the site, I noticed many comments about "the gays" (and their agenda), but I was no afraid. But then, I noticed several horrifying comments about the frightfulness of "TheGays". When I read the capital letters, I instantly understood that I should fear them, for they are a true organization of power, hell-bent on converting us all to butt-fucking, carpet-licking glory.
But my fear doesn't stop there, no, not at all... Because once I realized how horrible a proper noun can be, I realized that there are far, far worse proper nouns to be had in this world.
Without further ado, I give you: TheStupids. Yes, TheStupids, a vast conspiracy of stupid people, hellbent on destroying America's inquisitive, intellectual nature, whose ultimate enemy is tolerant, well-thinking people. TheStupids don't just want to destroy the world, they want to rule it once they've destroyed it (much like Sauron).[3]
TheStupids home base seems to be foxnews.com. We must fight them, America. We must fight them, indeed.
As a parting note, everybody better stay quiet and not let the guy here know that they just cured a guy of HIV in Berlin... It might blow his fucking brain up.
1. Sarah Palin, of course... Not Michael Palin of Monty Python fame... Not that he could be President anyway, as he's not even American. In fact, he was born in England, which is slightly more than one swallow's flight away from here. That'd be an unladen swallow, even.
2. I would say it has an apt title. Just like "Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Film".
3. They are more awful than the Legendary Black Beast of Agggh. And, unfortunately, cannot be destroyed by causing a heart attack in an animator.
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