I'm attempting to quit Earth. I kinda love Earth and have grown quite fond of certain aspects of it over the last 30 years, but I believe it is best for everybody involved if I quit it. So here I am, attempting to quit Earth. I bet it's a lot like trying to quit smoking -I savor the cool refreshment and drug high that the oxygen-rich atmosphere brings me. But, like smoking, I can't stand the cancerous tar that comes along with it.
But why now? WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU WANT TO QUIT EARTH NOW? So many bad things have already happened - you've even written about a lot of them - so WHY. THE FUCK. NOW?
Because even the SATs are completely dumbed down now - that's why!
Students who blew off studying for the SAT may have Snooki to thank when their acceptance letters arrive this spring.
n the March 12 college admissions exam, students were asked to write an essay about reality TV and the concept of authenticity, leaving nervous teens to wonder whether Lauren Conrad is as good of a source as Joseph Conrad.[1]
Yes, the SATs asked students to write about FUCKING REALITY TELEVISION! Nevermind that if someone truly tries to succeed and use half of their brain power, they most certainly wouldn't be watching Jersey-Fucking-Shore to begin with! No, no, no, we need good, "cultural" questions, and nothing speaks as highly of America as reality fucking television does! That's the cornerstone of idiot America these days. Hell, it's as American as baseball (which isn't really even that popular anymore) or apple pie (which is really, really popular judging by waistlines - I KNOW THAT'S WHERE MINE CAME FROM)!
Maybe I'm wrong about this, maybe the article is vague. Maybe, just maybe, the LESS you know about the subject of reality television, the higher score you get. Oh, if only that were true. I can hope, I can hope. Can I hold out hope any longer? Well, fuck it, if the Libyan rebels haven't given up, why should I?
Because I'm probably going have my heart explode... Or at the very least, a fucking aneurysm.
So, that's it. For my health, I quit Earth. I can't fathom living in a world where the next generation of intellectuals got into the college of their choice because of their knowledge of Snooki!
But why now? WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU WANT TO QUIT EARTH NOW? So many bad things have already happened - you've even written about a lot of them - so WHY. THE FUCK. NOW?
Because even the SATs are completely dumbed down now - that's why!
Students who blew off studying for the SAT may have Snooki to thank when their acceptance letters arrive this spring.
n the March 12 college admissions exam, students were asked to write an essay about reality TV and the concept of authenticity, leaving nervous teens to wonder whether Lauren Conrad is as good of a source as Joseph Conrad.[1]
Yes, the SATs asked students to write about FUCKING REALITY TELEVISION! Nevermind that if someone truly tries to succeed and use half of their brain power, they most certainly wouldn't be watching Jersey-Fucking-Shore to begin with! No, no, no, we need good, "cultural" questions, and nothing speaks as highly of America as reality fucking television does! That's the cornerstone of idiot America these days. Hell, it's as American as baseball (which isn't really even that popular anymore) or apple pie (which is really, really popular judging by waistlines - I KNOW THAT'S WHERE MINE CAME FROM)!
Maybe I'm wrong about this, maybe the article is vague. Maybe, just maybe, the LESS you know about the subject of reality television, the higher score you get. Oh, if only that were true. I can hope, I can hope. Can I hold out hope any longer? Well, fuck it, if the Libyan rebels haven't given up, why should I?
Because I'm probably going have my heart explode... Or at the very least, a fucking aneurysm.
So, that's it. For my health, I quit Earth. I can't fathom living in a world where the next generation of intellectuals got into the college of their choice because of their knowledge of Snooki!
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