Just when you thought it was safe to send your kid to school... Okay, you didn't really think that.
Just when you thought it was safe to pack a lunch for your kid to eat at school, the nutrition Nazis rear their ugly, emaciated heads, charging you with crimes against humanity. And why? All because you packed your child a bag of Lays potato chips![1]
At [cut] Little Village Academy on Chicago's West Side, students are not allowed to pack lunches from home. Unless they have a medical excuse, they must eat the food served in the cafeteria.[2]
And why? Oh, because if you let parents pack lunches, etc, they might give them bad things, like potato chips and sugary snacks! Oh, the horror... Parents making their own decisions on what a child eats!
[Principal Elsa] Carmona said she created the policy six years ago after watching students bring "bottles of soda and flaming hot chips" on field trips for their lunch. Although she would not name any other schools that employ such practices, she said it was fairly common.
Flaming hot chips and a bottle of Pepsi? Call the fucking CPS (child protective services, not Chicago Public Schools[2]), folks, because we have a horrible emergency on our hands! Children aren't eating what anutrition expert, er... Principal, uhm... Bloated, over-paid bureaucratic "teacher" thinks they should be eating!
Gosh, it's almost like PARENTS, like any other member of society, are capable of making their own choices and sometimes make choices that other people don't agree with. Who the fuck gave them free will and reign over their child's well-being?
Oh, right, NATURE and the fucking United States Constitution!
But maybe it's not such a bad thing, friends! Some parents actually think this is a great idea:
But parent Miguel Medina said he thinks the "no home lunch policy" is a good one. "The school food is very healthy," he said, "and when they bring the food from home, there is no control over the food."
There is no control over the food. Yep, that's right, there isn't... Except for, y'know, THE FUCKING PARENT AT HOME THAT HAS ALL OF THE CONTROL AND BUYS THE FOOD AND PACKS THE LUNCH!
Someone find that idiot and send him the paragraph preceding his quote - the thing about free will and reign over their own child and shit!
Not to worry, though, some schools in Chicago haven't become the Sustenance Secret Police yet:
At Claremont Academy Elementary School on the South Side, officials allow packed lunches but confiscate any snacks loaded with sugar or salt.
Unholy-fucking-shit. Unfuckingbelievable. WHERE DO THESE PEOPLE COME FROM? Sure, kids should eat better things, but fuck, it should be up to their parents what they eat!
Last time I checked, school was REQUIRED BY LAW - if you fail to send your child to school, you can go to jail. Being that school is 6+ hours long, kids need to eat, of course... So you should send them with food. But no, they'll take care of that. Oh, but what's this? They don't take care of it? NO, they just MAKE your kid eat their food - at the cost of $2.25 a day! WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?
And then they have the nerve to give religious objections. Religion is a fucking choice. A CHOICE. A PERSONAL. CHOICE. If the choice of a student's parents makes it so that they don't have to eat the school's food because of RELIGION, why can't EVERY parent make such a choice for other reasons?
Surprisingly, even though photos depict kids in uniforms at this very school, they're not forced to wear brown shirts. But I'm sure that's the next step... Along with crushed-up Ritalin in the milk![4]
And for a parting shot, I leave you with this quote from the Dead Kennedys' "We've Got An Even Bigger Problem Now":
It's the salt-dietary fiber secret police! They have come for your obese niece![5]
1. This blog paid for by Lays. You can't eat just one.
2. Link
3. Actually, go ahead and call them, and tell the how fucking ridiculous this whole thing is.
4. After all, once they find out that the sugary snacks aren't the culprit of the kids acting up, they're going to need a better way to sedate them!
5. Okay, so that's not how it went, but it makes sense in this context?
Just when you thought it was safe to pack a lunch for your kid to eat at school, the nutrition Nazis rear their ugly, emaciated heads, charging you with crimes against humanity. And why? All because you packed your child a bag of Lays potato chips![1]
At [cut] Little Village Academy on Chicago's West Side, students are not allowed to pack lunches from home. Unless they have a medical excuse, they must eat the food served in the cafeteria.[2]
And why? Oh, because if you let parents pack lunches, etc, they might give them bad things, like potato chips and sugary snacks! Oh, the horror... Parents making their own decisions on what a child eats!
 |
| Mein Krisp, the new name for Honeycrisp apples. |
Flaming hot chips and a bottle of Pepsi? Call the fucking CPS (child protective services, not Chicago Public Schools[2]), folks, because we have a horrible emergency on our hands! Children aren't eating what a
Gosh, it's almost like PARENTS, like any other member of society, are capable of making their own choices and sometimes make choices that other people don't agree with. Who the fuck gave them free will and reign over their child's well-being?
Oh, right, NATURE and the fucking United States Constitution!
But maybe it's not such a bad thing, friends! Some parents actually think this is a great idea:
But parent Miguel Medina said he thinks the "no home lunch policy" is a good one. "The school food is very healthy," he said, "and when they bring the food from home, there is no control over the food."
There is no control over the food. Yep, that's right, there isn't... Except for, y'know, THE FUCKING PARENT AT HOME THAT HAS ALL OF THE CONTROL AND BUYS THE FOOD AND PACKS THE LUNCH!
Someone find that idiot and send him the paragraph preceding his quote - the thing about free will and reign over their own child and shit!
Not to worry, though, some schools in Chicago haven't become the Sustenance Secret Police yet:
At Claremont Academy Elementary School on the South Side, officials allow packed lunches but confiscate any snacks loaded with sugar or salt.
Unholy-fucking-shit. Unfuckingbelievable. WHERE DO THESE PEOPLE COME FROM? Sure, kids should eat better things, but fuck, it should be up to their parents what they eat!
Last time I checked, school was REQUIRED BY LAW - if you fail to send your child to school, you can go to jail. Being that school is 6+ hours long, kids need to eat, of course... So you should send them with food. But no, they'll take care of that. Oh, but what's this? They don't take care of it? NO, they just MAKE your kid eat their food - at the cost of $2.25 a day! WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?
And then they have the nerve to give religious objections. Religion is a fucking choice. A CHOICE. A PERSONAL. CHOICE. If the choice of a student's parents makes it so that they don't have to eat the school's food because of RELIGION, why can't EVERY parent make such a choice for other reasons?
Surprisingly, even though photos depict kids in uniforms at this very school, they're not forced to wear brown shirts. But I'm sure that's the next step... Along with crushed-up Ritalin in the milk![4]
And for a parting shot, I leave you with this quote from the Dead Kennedys' "We've Got An Even Bigger Problem Now":
It's the salt-dietary fiber secret police! They have come for your obese niece![5]
1. This blog paid for by Lays. You can't eat just one.
2. Link
3. Actually, go ahead and call them, and tell the how fucking ridiculous this whole thing is.
4. After all, once they find out that the sugary snacks aren't the culprit of the kids acting up, they're going to need a better way to sedate them!
5. Okay, so that's not how it went, but it makes sense in this context?
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