Change.org wants to force me to gay marry my straight male roommate!

Conservatives LOVE to talk about "the homosexual agenda", and I like to reply to their claims by saying, "you're all morons". However, there are things recently that are going to make it much harder to claim such... For instance, this, a petition on Change.org:

We are not asking that Sesame Street do anything crude or disrespectful. Only that they allow Bert & Ernie to marry^[1]

That's sweet and all, but they are ignoring the fact that BERT & ERNIE ARE NOT GAY. The creators have been stating for years that they are NOT gay! In fact, there are NO couples on Sesame Street, gay OR straight... Period!

By steadfastly suggesting that these two muppets ARE gay (despite the fact that their creators have stated otherwise), they are suggesting that two men cannot live together and be straight. By demanding that they get married, they are demanding that two straight men get married. How is this doing ANYTHING REMOTELY GOOD for gay rights?

It's all you need. Except when
it's forced on you.

OH RIGHT, IT'S FUCKING NOT. Instead, it's taking the whole thing back. Some anti-gay crusaders LOVE to say that homosexuals "recruit" straight people into their lifestyle, while others claim they want to push EVERYBODY into their "deviant behavior" and "force people to gay marry". Normally, I'd say "You're a bunch of fucking idiots, because nobody feels that way."

But now? Well, now I can't do that anymore, because, guess what, over 660 people apparently ACTUALLY FEEL THAT WAY!^[2]

I have a male roommate, and despite what Change.org would suggest, and to quote Jay (of Jay & Silent Bob), "We ain't gay". And despite what Change.org might demand, we're not getting gay married.

Change.org, please stop. Just stop the madness. This is the second time I've felt the need to talk about how fucking stupid you are. Just do us all a favor and end your miserable existence. Please?

1. Change.org Petition
2. As of writing this, 669 people have signed the petition to force two straight men to get gay-married.

X-Box: THE SILENT KILLER!

The family of a budding computer programmer have on Saturday launched a campaign to raise awareness about the health risks of playing online computer games after their son died following a marathon session on his Xbox.

A post-mortem revealed that 20-year-old Chris Staniforth -- who was offered a place to study Game Design at Leicester University -- was killed by a pulmonary embolism, which can occur if someone sits in the same position for several hours.^[1]

A terrible tragedy. The poor kid adult.

Professor Brian Colvin -- an expert on blood-related conditions -- said it was "unhealthy" for youngsters to spend long periods in front of their consoles.

You don't say!

I wonder when we needed a professor to start telling us these things? Was it about the time that Generation X needed the government to do everything for them? Likely!

"There's anxiety about obesity and children not doing anything other than looking at computer screens," he told The Sun.

Easy way to solve this problem: BE A PARENT. Oh my gosh, I know this is a relatively new idea and it's a bit revolutionary, but as a parent you can TELL YOUR CHILD WHAT TO DO. Parents have the ability to PARENT and control their child's activities in their own home. If playing X-Box might present a danger because they do it too much, maybe the parent could just TAKE THE X-BOX AWAY!^[2]

And, finally:
A coroner's court in Sheffield was told how the youngster -- who had no underlying medical conditions -- was complaining of a low heart rate before collapsing outside a Jobcentre.

He wasn't a youngster, he was 20 - an age where he should've fucking known better.

Holy fuck do we baby people or what?

1. Yahoo article
2. No, wait, the kid would cry... You know, like when you tell them that they can't have a Happy Meal! The only real solution is to BAN EVERYTHING!

Friday I'm In Love: One Man's Mental Devolution Into Madness

I have this in shirt form. And yes,
people constantly question my
sexuality when I wear it.

We've all heard it before, the cute, catchy song by The Cure, "Friday I'm In Love."

At base level, it's just a cute song about a guy that obviously is in love with a woman and he simply hates the work week so much that he can't wait until Friday, when he can spend more time with her. As far as sappy love songs go, this one's pretty decent, I'd say. But is that really what this song's all about?

I propose a different view: One much more sinister.

I don't care if Monday's blue
Tuesday's grey and Wednesday too
Thursday I don't care about you
It's Friday I'm in love

He's obviously having a bad start to the week here. Monday is blue and Tuesday and Wednesday are even worse, apparently. By Thursday, this poor guy's really just given up on the week. But wait, what's that? Here comes Friiiiday! Things are so much better now.

Monday you can fall apart
Tuesday Wednesday break my heart
Thursday doesn't even start
It's Friday I'm in love

Why is Monday falling apart? What's going on with Monday? On Tuesday and Wednesday, his heart is breaking, and the pain is so unbearable that he sleeps through Thursday it seems. But hey, Friday comes along again and he gets smashed at the local bar and everything's okay.

So here comes the kicker: He doesn't actually have a lover. Why do I feel this way? The odd bridge section:

Dressed up to the eyes
It's a wonderful surprise
To see your shoes and your spirits rise
Throwing out your frown
And just smiling at the sound
And as sleek as a shriek
Spinning round and round
Always take a big bite
It's such a gorgeous sight
To see you eat in the middle of the night
You can never get enough
Enough of this stuff

She's a ghost. SHE'S FUCKING DEAD AND SHE'S A GHOST.

She's spinning round and round and he watches her eat in the middle of the night? This is the kinda stuff people report when it comes to their house being haunted!

So there you have it, his girlfriend's dead, and so now it all makes more sense. Monday is always bad because he can't party all weekend and take his mind off of it. He's probably stuck at work doing mindless tasks and he likely has a picture on his desk of his deceased lover. By Tuesday, he's a head case, and by Wednesday things are even a little worse. By Thursday, the poor guy has pretty much given up on life, and he'd probably kill himself if Friday didn't come along and start his weekend of partying and forgetting about how much his life fucking sucks.

The loss of his girlfriend - AND SUBSEQUENT HAUNTING BY HER SPIRIT - obviously took a great mental toll on the poor guy and the stress of it all is making his physical condition bad as well:

I don't care if Mondays black
Tuesday Wednesday heart attack
Thursday never looking back
It's Friday I'm in love

The guy had a heart attack part way into the week - ONE THAT LASTED TWO DAYS - and what did he do? By Thursday he forgot about it... He's not even bothering to look back. Did he go to the emergency room? Nope, he just had a heart attack and ran with it for two days. The attack eventually stopped, and when it did, he just didn't give a fuck. And what did he do Friday? Partied again, like always.

Monday you can hold your head
Tuesday Wednesday stay in bed
Or Thursday watch the walls instead
It's Friday I'm in love

The last verse seems to be the saddest of them all, and the most telling of what happened to this guy. We already know the stress gave him a heart attack, but now it's worse. After having a heart attack, he ignored the signs of a serious problem and then continued to party all weekend. It seems like Monday something happened with his brain - maybe a stroke or an aneurysm - which caused him to spend two days in bed. The man didn't really recover from whatever happened to him on Monday, and so subsequently on Thursday, when he is conscious again, he spends the day staring at walls, lifeless, like so any stroke patients often do.

And Friday? He's just imagining the partying now. He can't really do it because he can't even move his body.

This is a terrible song now that I think about it... It's not cute at all!

1. Lyrics

Food fascism.

Just when you thought it was safe to send your kid to school... Okay, you didn't really think that.

Just when you thought it was safe to pack a lunch for your kid to eat at school, the nutrition Nazis rear their ugly, emaciated heads, charging you with crimes against humanity. And why? All because you packed your child a bag of Lays potato chips!^[1]

At [cut] Little Village Academy on Chicago's West Side, students are not allowed to pack lunches from home. Unless they have a medical excuse, they must eat the food served in the cafeteria.^[2]

And why? Oh, because if you let parents pack lunches, etc, they might give them bad things, like potato chips and sugary snacks! Oh, the horror... Parents making their own decisions on what a child eats!

Mein Krisp, the new name for
Honeycrisp apples.

[Principal Elsa] Carmona said she created the policy six years ago after watching students bring "bottles of soda and flaming hot chips" on field trips for their lunch. Although she would not name any other schools that employ such practices, she said it was fairly common.

Flaming hot chips and a bottle of Pepsi? Call the fucking CPS (child protective services, not Chicago Public Schools^[2]), folks, because we have a horrible emergency on our hands! Children aren't eating what a nutrition expert, er... Principal, uhm... Bloated, over-paid bureaucratic "teacher" thinks they should be eating!

Gosh, it's almost like PARENTS, like any other member of society, are capable of making their own choices and sometimes make choices that other people don't agree with. Who the fuck gave them free will and reign over their child's well-being?

Oh, right, NATURE and the fucking United States Constitution!

But maybe it's not such a bad thing, friends! Some parents actually think this is a great idea:

But parent Miguel Medina said he thinks the "no home lunch policy" is a good one. "The school food is very healthy," he said, "and when they bring the food from home, there is no control over the food."

There is no control over the food. Yep, that's right, there isn't... Except for, y'know, THE FUCKING PARENT AT HOME THAT HAS ALL OF THE CONTROL AND BUYS THE FOOD AND PACKS THE LUNCH!

Someone find that idiot and send him the paragraph preceding his quote - the thing about free will and reign over their own child and shit!

Not to worry, though, some schools in Chicago haven't become the Sustenance Secret Police yet:

At Claremont Academy Elementary School on the South Side, officials allow packed lunches but confiscate any snacks loaded with sugar or salt.

Unholy-fucking-shit. Unfuckingbelievable. WHERE DO THESE PEOPLE COME FROM? Sure, kids should eat better things, but fuck, it should be up to their parents what they eat!

Last time I checked, school was REQUIRED BY LAW - if you fail to send your child to school, you can go to jail. Being that school is 6+ hours long, kids need to eat, of course... So you should send them with food. But no, they'll take care of that. Oh, but what's this? They don't take care of it? NO, they just MAKE your kid eat their food - at the cost of $2.25 a day! WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?

And then they have the nerve to give religious objections. Religion is a fucking choice. A CHOICE. A PERSONAL. CHOICE. If the choice of a student's parents makes it so that they don't have to eat the school's food because of RELIGION, why can't EVERY parent make such a choice for other reasons?

Surprisingly, even though photos depict kids in uniforms at this very school, they're not forced to wear brown shirts. But I'm sure that's the next step... Along with crushed-up Ritalin in the milk!^[4]

And for a parting shot, I leave you with this quote from the Dead Kennedys' "We've Got An Even Bigger Problem Now":

It's the salt-dietary fiber secret police! They have come for your obese niece!^[5]

1. This blog paid for by Lays. You can't eat just one.
2. Link
3. Actually, go ahead and call them, and tell the how fucking ridiculous this whole thing is.
4. After all, once they find out that the sugary snacks aren't the culprit of the kids acting up, they're going to need a better way to sedate them!
5. Okay, so that's not how it went, but it makes sense in this context?

Crisis Averted.

Gainesville Police arrested former standout Gator wide receiver Louis Morris Murphy Jr. early Sunday morning

Another dangerous criminal has been scooped up from the mean streets of America and faces possible long-term incarceration. Thanks to the wonderful men and women in blue, we can sleep safely tonight.

Harrison said Murphy consented to a search of his vehicle, where officers found a “non-labeled prescription bottle containing 11 individual pills later identified as Viagra.” Murphy could not provide a prescription for it and allegedly told the officer that he had peeled the label off of the bottle “because he did not want his girlfriend to know he had a prescription for it.”

Oh, dear, even better. This man was a vicious drug fiend, popping pill after pill to make sure he could make love to many beautiful women over the course of the night. Between this Viagra and his football money, there's no chance he wasn't getting lucky tonight. But now that's all stopped, thanks to the police.

And why shouldn't they stop his activities? It's not likely any of them are as lucky as him. Why not abuse their power due to their own green-eyed feelings? This man was a dangerous criminal: an obvious drug addict.

Sure, maybe you, valiant readers, will attempt to argue that his crime is a victimless one, but I will counter! I will counter your argument, yes. The luckier he gets with women, the more his testosterone will go up, and the more it goes up, perhaps the better his football game improves! And if that happens, then every team that is NOT the Oakland Raiders will be in trouble! The police are just looking after their own interest here, as Dolphins or Buccaneer fans.

So, you see, these cops had every reason to arrest this man, after all:

Gainesville Police Officer Thomas Harrison said he spotted Murphy's Cadillac Escalade at 100 SW First St., with the stereo playing loudly. Harrison said he told Murphy, 23, to pull over...

You see, his stereo was playing loudly, so why shouldn't he be stopped, refused an answer when asked why,^[2] arrested for no real reason, and then his vehicle searched? Loud stereos are a public nuisance, you know! And now, thanks to great detective work by Officer Harrison, another young black guy criminal is behind bars.

1. Article
2. Harrison flipped on his lights and ordered Murphy and the passengers to stop. Harrison said Murphy refused to present identification and demanded to know why Harrison stopped him.

Quitting Earth.

I'm attempting to quit Earth. I kinda love Earth and have grown quite fond of certain aspects of it over the last 30 years, but I believe it is best for everybody involved if I quit it. So here I am, attempting to quit Earth. I bet it's a lot like trying to quit smoking -I savor the cool refreshment and drug high that the oxygen-rich atmosphere brings me. But, like smoking, I can't stand the cancerous tar that comes along with it.

But why now? WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU WANT TO QUIT EARTH NOW? So many bad things have already happened - you've even written about a lot of them - so WHY. THE FUCK. NOW?

Because even the SATs are completely dumbed down now - that's why!

Students who blew off studying for the SAT may have Snooki to thank when their acceptance letters arrive this spring.

n the March 12 college admissions exam, students were asked to write an essay about reality TV and the concept of authenticity, leaving nervous teens to wonder whether Lauren Conrad is as good of a source as Joseph Conrad.^[1]

Yes, the SATs asked students to write about FUCKING REALITY TELEVISION! Nevermind that if someone truly tries to succeed and use half of their brain power, they most certainly wouldn't be watching Jersey-Fucking-Shore to begin with! No, no, no, we need good, "cultural" questions, and nothing speaks as highly of America as reality fucking television does! That's the cornerstone of idiot America these days. Hell, it's as American as baseball (which isn't really even that popular anymore) or apple pie (which is really, really popular judging by waistlines - I KNOW THAT'S WHERE MINE CAME FROM)!


Maybe I'm wrong about this, maybe the article is vague. Maybe, just maybe, the LESS you know about the subject of reality television, the higher score you get. Oh, if only that were true. I can hope, I can hope. Can I hold out hope any longer? Well, fuck it, if the Libyan rebels haven't given up, why should I?

Because I'm probably going have my heart explode... Or at the very least, a fucking aneurysm.

So, that's it. For my health, I quit Earth. I can't fathom living in a world where the next generation of intellectuals got into the college of their choice because of their knowledge of Snooki!

1. AOL Weird News Article

Where are the jobs?

I keep hearing liberals ask "Where are the jobs" in relation to any bill proposed by members of the GOP. Yes, we all know that the GOP ran on a platform of creating new jobs, and they seem to have yet to do such a thing. But personally, I feel that most liberals are ignoring facts/missing the points on this one, so we're going to take a look at a few bills proposed by the GOP in the USHoR!

This polar bear got his ass kicked.

HR39
To delist the polar bear as a threatened species under the Endangered Species Act of 1973.^[1]

This one should be obvious! This will lead to an immediate influx of tourists in Alaska. The long-term effects will be a lucrative polar bear-hunting industry (until they die out, of course). Oh, and let's not ignore that with the polar bear no longe protected the oil companies can do whatever the fuck they want, which will save them money... And everybody knows if a company makes more money they hire more people or something, right?!

HR2
To repeal the job-killing health care law and health care-related provisions in the Health Care and Education Reconciliation Act of 2010.^[2]

Hell, it's right there in the title on this one: THE HEALTH CARE BILL KILLS JOBS! If they repeal it, then more people will get sick and die. More death, of course leads to the country needing more people being hired to dig graves, burn bodies, keep the cemetery looking nice, and if they're qualified, run a morgue and maybe even embalm them. Funeral directors needed!

This is a win-win situation, folks... The population goes down, while the amount of people with jobs goes up. You can't beat that method of lowering the unemployment rate!

HR3
To prohibit taxpayer funded abortions and to provide for conscience protections, and for other purposes.^[3]

Like above, this will lead to a ton more jobs in the "death" industry. It will also lead to some jobs in the back-alley-abortion field (which will lead to death - hence the death industry bit), which will cause a need for more police. Oh, and don't forget that more to-term pregnancies means a higher need for doctors specializing in that field!

So, as we can see, if you use a "certain point of view" (like Obi-Wan Kenobi advised Luke Skywalker to do), you can see the good that the GOP is trying to do. They could do more, though, and I strongly and readily encourage them to do so.

So, what more can they do? Well, perhaps a bill to take away all safety features from cars would be a great start! The auto industry could use an influx of money from saving on costs.

Maybe someone could propose a bill where, if you show up to the hospital with life-threatening injuries, they simply refuse to treat you is in due course! Or another good one might be where the fire department arrives and lets a house burn to the ground before putting the fire out... That'd lead to more jobs in the home-building industry, too!

So, remember, the GOP, as a whole, is sticking to their promises... From a certain point of view.

1. HR39
2. HR2
3. HR3

Bobby Franklin, I presume...

I presume that Bobby Franklin is an idiot. Bobby Franklin is a state representative in Georgia. He hails from Georgia's 43rd district, and goes by "Bobby" instead of Robert because he is, in fact, seven years old.

I apologize for the faults in the title paragraph. I have sacked myself, as I was responsible.

Anyway, continuing...

Bob Franklin:
Idiot devil.

Ah, yes, Bobby Franklin (the guy in the picture)^SPECIAL. This man is a Republican, and thus has introduced some bills that are typical of his party: More gun rights, outlawing abortion (defining it as "prenatal murder"), etc, etc. That stuff is all pretty par for the course. I wasn't shocked when I read any of those. But then, it happened...

I read Georgia's HB3. In HB3, Bobby Franklin proposes that the State of Georgia only utilize precious metals (bullets are excluded from this - damn!) to pay its debts, and only accept such things in payment of debts. So, if you owe some state taxes down there, you'd better toss your jewelry into an envelope and ship it off to the state house. Don't worry, as Mr. Franklin himself will be eagerly awaiting its arrival, and he will have a gold and silver smith on hand to determine the value of your pieces.^[1]

I didn't exactly stop there, though. Intrigued by HB3, I read on. I stopped again at HB7, because I just couldn't stop laughing. In HB7, Franklin informs the world that Americans have a right to travel, and thus driver's licenses are unconstitutional, just like vehicle registrations. People should just do what they want all of the time. I can't argue with the last part, but I mean, really? How can anybody ID anybody then? What if somebody dies? Who you gonna call?^[2]

This guy's like fucking Obi-Wan Kenobi and shit:

YOU DON'T NEED TO SEE HIS IDENTIFICATION!

In Franklin's world how can police track down hit and run suspects? Or the people responsible for a robbery? Or any other host of things... Oh, don't worry, the cops don't need to do that, because the police pretty much don't have to do their job at all. If you don't believe me, just check out HB9!

HB9:
A BILL to be entitled an Act to provide a short title; to make findings of fact; to amend Article 1 of Chapter 4 of Title 17 of the Official Code of Georgia Annotated, relating to general provisions relative to the arrest of persons, so as to provide that the use of forced entry in the execution of a search warrant is prohibited; to amend Article 2 of Chapter 5 of Title 17 of the Official Code of Georgia Annotated, relating to searches with warrants, so as to provide that the use of forced entry in the execution of a search warrant is prohibited; to provide for penalties; to provide an effective date; to repeal conflicting laws; and for other purposes. ^[3]

So, basically, in Franklinland, cops knock on your door... And knock again. And again. AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN... Basically, the cops just keep knocking on your door until you answer. Meanwhile, you can hide all of the evidence of whatever it is you might've been doing. Or, fuck it, you can simply not answer until they get bored and go away - eventually the local municipality is going to get tired of paying them so much in overtime and call them off... Right?

*knock knock* Who's there? The police. *silence* (REPEAT AD NAUSEUM)

But, I digress... Enough about knocking.

Ah, and finally, the one thing that sparked my entire interest in Bobby Franklin to begin with, the not-yet-titled HB14:

To amend Titles 16 and 17 of the Official Code of Georgia Annotated, relating to criminal law and criminal procedure, respectively, so as to change the term "victim" to the term "accuser" in the context of a number of statutes making reference to circumstances where there has not yet been a criminal conviction; to provide for related matters; to repeal conflicting laws; and for other purposes.^[4]

You can read that as a few times and get the idea in your head. It goes along with that whole "innocent until proven guilty" thing we have going, so it's a good one, right? Well, not so fast...

Check out statutes that it actually modifies:

• (a) The victim person making an accusation of stalking or aggravated stalking...
• (c) When evidence relating to an allegation of rape is collected in the course of a medical examination of the person who is the victim accuser of the alleged crime perpetrator...
• (b) A person 17 years of age or over commits the offense of obscene telephone contact with a child if that person has telephone contact with an individual whom that person knows or should have known is a child...
• (a) Whenever a law enforcement officer responds to an incident in which an act of family violence, as defined in Code Section 19-13-1, has been committed, the officer shall not base the decision of whether to arrest and charge a person on the specific consent of the victim accuser or on a request by the crime perpetrator...

So, as we can see, it only applies to rape, stalking, sexual harassment of a child, and domestic abuse. Is it no wonder this guy doesn't have a wife?

Oh, and in case you're wondering where he gets such crazy ideas, his page on the Georgia HoR website spells it out for you:

Representative Franklin has been called "the conscience of the Republican Caucus" because he believes that civil government should return to its biblically and constitutionally defined role.

1. I mean, it's bad enough that people want to go back to a gold standard... But this is just crazy. No, really, what is the point of a gold standard? People claim it's because dollars have nothing behind them. Well, what does gold have behind it? Shininess? Gold is only given a value if people think it has value - just like paper money. If you want to create a standard to back paper money, try oil or food - something we all need, for the most part.
2. The answer is only "Ghostbusters" if they die and keep hanging around.
3. HB 9
4. HB14
SPECIAL: His HoR site demanded I didn't use any pictures of him from it to insult or harass him - so I didn't. That's a cartoon of a devil or something. Right?

Of "Isms" and Over-Zealousness

There is a woman named Mrs. Q. Now, she's not related to Maggie Q, and Mrs. Q isn't even her real name. However, for now, we only know her as Mrs. Q.

Mrs. Q is a fellow Blogspot blogger. She is a school teacher who spent a year eating the kinda things that the government feeds to the poorer kids in schools. The food was awful. If you don't believe me, feel free to check it out for yourself.

Who would expect it to be good, anyway? Most school lunches aren't very good! I can't imagine the ones fed to poorer kids would be better. All kids deserve better than the stuff that passes for "food" in most public schools. I think we all know that.

Mrs. Q knew that, too, and in case anybody else didn't, she chronicled it for us all in her blog. Unfortunately, some stupid people who are too obsessed with "isms" ran across her blog. These ugly, misinformed, stupid people went right to work, claiming Mrs. Q's blog to reek of "classism".

You see, because she insulted the food that the lower class ate, she was classist. Of course, that ignores the fact that the ENTIRE POINT OF HER BLOG was to DRAW ATTENTION TO THE FACT THAT THESE KIDS DESERVE BETTER FOOD. But hey, let's not get caught up in facts and stuff...

Me, personally? I'm a classist. I think McDonalds is awful, and I think it's pure shit. And I know that some people don't really have access to anything else, and thus they have to eat it. But that's neither here nor there... The food just sucks. Do they deserve better? Fuck yes, they do. But, who cares about that? The important thing here is the "ism". I'm practicing pure-bred classism here, because I actually want access to better things for poorer people!

Can't beat that logic!

Or can you?

Oh, you can. You certainly can!

It's such a shame that people get caught up in "isms" and ignore the facts and reasons behind things. It's much easier to be insulted on behalf of someone else (or be insulted yourself) instead of considering the facts and reasons behind something. Mrs. Q doesn't hate poor people, and she doesn't think she's better than poor people. In fact, she wishes poor people were as lucky as her, and didn't have to eat the crap she chose to feed herself to eat for a year... The stuff they are forced to eat on a daily basis. The stuff they have no choice about.

It's NOT classist to want to help people less-fortunate than yourself.

So to all those that think Mrs. Q is a classist and accuse her blog of being "like a Whole Foods shopper judging the convenience foods purchased by people with less money":

Fuck you.

You're the kinda person that likely shops at Whole Foods... You yuppie, too-stupid-to-think, political-correctness-obsessed nobheads.^[1]

1. Political correctness is great, if you don't ignore fact and reason in the name of it.
2. CNN Article about this.

Mel Gibson is the greatest actor to ever live.

They say that what makes an actor is the ability to stretch. Some actors (using the term to mean either gender here) can't stretch beyond playing something they are comfortable with - the thing that they are the most in real life. Mel Gibson, on the other hand encompasses, through his acting, everything that he is not.

So, let us take a look back at some of the major roles Gibson played through the years:

• Mad Max - In Mad Max, Gibson plays Max, a policeman and family man. He cares about his job, but not that much. In fact, he pretty much gives up on his job because it becomes to dangerous. He runs off on a vacation with his family in hopes of having a happy life. This does not work out, as the bad guys find him and kill his wife and child. He ends up mercilessly slaughtering all of them in a severe case of revengeitis.
• Lethal Weapon - In Lethal Weapon, Gibson plays Martin Riggs, a police officer whose wife was brutally murdered. Crushed by her death, he is suicidal. Having little left to live for makes him a loose canon and sometimes a better cop. In the second installment, Lethal Weapon 2, he meets another woman, sorta falls in love with her, only to have her be murdered by the man that killed his wife. In a fit of rage, he eventually brutally kills the man responsible (while in the line of duty, thankfully).
• Hamlet - He plays Hamlet. Do I really have to tell you what this one is about?
• Braveheart - In Braveheart, Gibson plays a fictionalized version of a real-life person who fought against English tyranny in Scotland. In the film, William Wallace's father and brother are killed by the English. William's uncle whisks him away to... All over Europe, educating him. Eventually, William becomes a man, moves back to the village of his youth, meets a woman and marries her. She is then killed by the English. In a fit of rage, Gibson kills just about everybody whose surname sounds even remotely English.
• Ransom - In Ransom, Mel Gibson plays Tom Mullen, a millionaire whose child is kidnapped. He refuses to pay the ransom on his son, and wants so badly to hurt the people responsible. In the end, he gets his wish and is able to brutally beat the hell out of one of them.
• The Patriot - Gibson portrays Benjamin Martin, a seemingly unassuming farmer just trying to take care of his kids in a world gone mad (The Revolutionary War in America). One of his sons is killed by British troops, and he decides to join the revolution and kill the shit out of anybody wearing red. Before the end of his movie, another of his sons, The Joker Gabriel Martin, is killed by the British commander. He seeks him out during on final battle, making sure to the kill the shit out of him and gloat about it.

So, there we have it - a good list of what were some of the biggest works of Gibson's career. As we can see, Gibson has spent his entire life playing men who are in love with their family and kill the shit out of anybody that fucks with them. He also has played a police officer several times.

On the other hand, in real life, Gibson was estranged from his father for years, left his wife (of many years) for a younger woman. He subsequently had a child with said woman and ended up leaving her. as well.. Only to yell ridiculously stupid and racist things at her over the phone. He's basically shitty to his family in real life; he doesn't seem to care about them at all. Oh, and let's not forget that he also semi-routinely finds himself in trouble with the authorities.

And why ignore the fact that in Lethal Weapon 2, he was fighting white supremacists from South Africa, when in real life, he most likely is one?

This man deserves an Oscar for being able to convincingly portray everything he isn't, time and time again.

At the very least, the guy should get a lifetime achievement award.

Animal rights activists.

This is about animal rights hypocrites activists. What crazy thing did they do now? Threaten violence against the family of a restaurant owner. What was his crime? Wanting to serve lion tacos.

This might be shopped. You can
probably tell by the pixels and
having done some shops in
your time.

Yep, an Arizona restaurant - BOCA - was going to serve African lion tacos on February 16th, 2011, but now they're not. Why not? Because "activists" went to their Facebook page and threatened the owner's family and the restaurant's patrons. What was their beef with the whole thing?^[1]

Well, most seemed upset that lions were endangered.^[2] And while technically, they are correct, it doesn't really matter - BECAUSE THE MEAT WAS COMING FROM A FUCKING LION FARM in California.

Posters on CNN.com's article were no more astute at picking up on this EVEN THOUGH THE FIRST FUCKING LINK ON THE GODDAMN ARTICLE ABOUT HIM CANCELING THE EVENT LEADS TO THE ORIGINAL STORY... WHICH MENTIONS THIS FACT!^[3]

HELL... IN THE ORIGINAL STORY ABOUT HIM HAVING LION TACO NIGHT, TONS OF IDIOTS MISSED THE BIT ABOUT THE FARM!

It's reading, folks, it's fucking simple. Learn to read! ARTICLES are full of INFORMATION. The INFORMATION in the ARTICLES is often PERTINENT to the fucking headline you. Do you even know what a headline is? It's the only fucking thing most of America seems to read anymore!

Others read the story, but went on to explain how this guy doing such a thing encourages people to poach lions from the wild, and thus it was important to stop him from doing it.

Well, guess what, in World of Warcraft, I have a stack of fucking lion meat on one of my characters... You'd better start threatening violence against me, fascists! I'm encouraging people to kill wild lions and eat them. Mmm, those tasty, tasty lions...

Bring it on, animal rights fascists activists!

1. Or is it "what was their lion"?
2. Article about the cancellation
3. Original article

Fuck their lives. All of these idiots.

From FMYLIFE.COM, we have a winner:

Today, my daughter was expelled from her school for beating another kindergartener with a Dr. Seuss book. FML^[1]

That's all fine and dandy, as that is typically what kids that age do, as they are too young to know any better most of the time. I'm not saying that it's okay for them to slug the shit out of each other and break each other's noses, etc, etc, just that hitting someone with a book (especially a Dr. Seuss book - it'd be like open-palm slapping someone) isn't a huge deal.

But I guess I'm just a fucking idiot or something and don't understand children, because tons of other people - ones who have likely not had kids either - know better than I do!

What are you teaching your child? It sounds like she has been exposed to a lot of violence!

Perhaps, instead, it's simply because the child is five.^[2]

What a violent little child you have on your hands. Hahaha. How exactly are you raising your child? Or is it because you're not raising her that she's so...expressive and undisciplined?

Or, again, she's just, I dunno... Five?

Oh wow your daigher is violent!!
::///

I think the person who wrote that is also five, based on their horrid spelling.

OP's daughter might have older siblings that are teaching the violence not the parent... just saying. Ha and your daughter is a badass lol reminds me of myself a little bit...

OR NOBODY AT ALL TAUGHT HER VIOLENCE, IT'S JUST HOW KIDS SOMETIMES EXPRESS THEMSELVES BECAUSE THEY DON'T FUCKING KNOW ANY BETTER.

Jesus, I'm sure glad the fucking FML Psychiatrist Association exists to psychoanalyze every fucking FML and explain the behavior of the person in question (see: Girls are touchy about their weight). Without them, we'd never know that some children will ogrow up to be serial killers... All because they were allowed to smack somebody with a copy of "Horton Hears a Who." I'm glad these folks are here to put a stop to it and save this precious little girl!

1. Original post.
2. I say five, but I really don't know. Five is the median age for kids in kindergarten though, so it sounds like a fair assertion.

Twilight.

Yep, I'm writing a fucking blog about Twilight. Why? Because I have a little bit of an issue with it. And by "it", I mean the average person who hates it.

First, let's get some stuff out of the way:

Twilight is bad. It's not well-written, and the movies aren't well-done. They're juvenile, teenage fantasy about love, lust and scary monsters. The ineffectual female lead needs men to protect her from everything, which just leads to more teen girls thinking they need a hero man around instead of being strong and doing stuff for themselves.

Now, on to my point...

I have been hearing for years now about how "Twilight is a bad vampire movie", and "Twilight has taken all of the scariness out of vampires", and "Twilight makes fun of good vampire entertainment culture".

Well, fuck all of you people.

"Good vampire entertainment culture"??? What in the fuck is that? It's a bad vampire movie? I'm pretty sure there hasn't been a good vampire movie since 1994, if you can even consider "Interview With a Vampire" to be one.^[1]

Before that, there were plenty of good vampire movies. (Like 1970's Vampyros Lesbos!)

• Blade? Awful.
• Underworld series? Awful.
• Dracula 2000? Seriously, it had "Hyde" from "That 70s Show" in it. That says enough right there.
• Van Helsing? Jesus Christ, that was unwatchable... And I even LIKE Hugh Jackman most of the time!
• John Carpenter's Vampires. All right, I can almost give you this one. It was a b-movie and it was kinda glorious at times. But it really wasn't that scary, just violent. So, my point remains: Twilight didn't take the scariness out of vampires, because there was none to begin with.

And actually, I'd argue that "Interview" itself made them all kinda romantic-like figures. So there you have it, Twilight didn't make vampires less scary, because they already weren't scary. It didn't make them romantic pansies, because Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise already did that.

So, what I'm saying is this: Twilight has not ruined vampires in the entertainment media, because Hollywood has done that themselves. If you're one of those people that runs around in real life or the Internet, complaining about how Twilight ruined vampires and vampire culture, go fuck yourself.

1. A list of the best 70 vampire movies of all-time. I dare you to try to find me a good one since "Interview".

What is Wikipedia hiding?

What IS Wikipedia hiding? Who are they working for? Are they in the pocket of a big corporation?

On last night's The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Jon Stewart announced to the world, via television, directly in front of Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales that he was Batman.^[1]

Since that time, numerous people have ventured to Wikipedia to edit Jon Stewart's entry to include this important information, and numerous Wikipedia moderators have removed such edits. At one point, Jon Stewart's page was locked. A discussion then began on Jon Stewart's Wikipedia discussion/talk page. During the discussion, moderators AGAIN stifled discussion and freedom of information, locking the discussion and hiding it.

Well, what are they hiding?

Is Wikipedia in the pocket of a big corporation? Perhaps Wayne Enterprises, whose founder Bruce Wayne is most-commonly associated with the Batman persona? Perhaps he utilizes such a persona to strike fear into his competitors (and employees), but is actually NOT Batman. A small payout to Wikipedia is all that it would take to continue to hide the truth: JON STEWART IS BATMAN.

Wikipedia moderators state that such an extraordinary claim requires an extraordinary source. I say that Jon Stewart IS an extraordinary source, as he is, in fact, Batman. However, let us note important historical facts about people "admitting" to being Batman:

• When Batman simply repeated a line to Rachel Dawes, she believed that he was Bruce Wayne, and that Bruce Wayne was therefore Batman. Was Batman an extraordinary source? Was one line of cheesy dialogue enough to prove that someone was someone else?

• When Gotham District Attorney Harvey Dent stated to the public, in front of the police and some local news crews, that HE was Batman (which turned out to be untrue), he was immediately arrested and everybody ran with the story. If saying he was Batman to a group of local news people and police was good enough for Harvey Dent, how come when Jon Stewart announces it on national television, Wikipedia won't even run with it?

So, as you can see, when it comes to other people, one simple statement is enough to "prove" that they are Batman. But when it comes to Jon Stewart and Wikipedia, it is not. If it's enough for the police, why isn't it enough for Wikipedia?

Well, I'll tell you why: It's a conspiracy! This conspiracy involves large sums of money, payouts from numerous sources (I imagine DC Comics is in on it, too), and an overall police-state mentality on Wikipedia.

Who will stand with me and take up the sword of truth and fight Wikipedia and their co-conspirators, finally proving to the world that JON STEWART IS BATMAN!?

1. Video

Should homeschoolers get a tax break?

FUCK NO.

Apparently, the GOP wants to give them one. Why? Because they aren't using the public school funds. Well, why the hell would they get a tax break if I don't? I don't have a child, so I'm not using those funds either. You know what else I don't use? The police, the fire department, social services, unemployment, the military, etc. And guess what? I still have to pay taxes that support all of those things. Hell, I went to school in Chicago, didn't own a car, and thus never drove on a road. I did this for over a year-and-a-half. Did I get a tax break for not using the roads? Fuck no.

So, why all of a sudden does the GOP want to help these people out? And why are they not trying to help out people without kids? Because they're fucking assholes, that's why. Because they LIKE homeschooling. Because homeschooling is most often used by batshit religious nuts conservative Christians to keep their kids free of the evil, Satanic libruhl influences of the public school system.

You're just not playing fair on this one, GOP.

1. Source