August 7th, 2009
Bel Air, MD, a rotten cesspoll of idiotic conservative thought.
George Deller has just finished reading The Baltimore Sun. He threw it aside in disgust. "Oh, that's it! How dare they run this story in The Sun! I'm angry, and I'm going to write a letter. I'm hopefully going to be completely illogical, and I cannot wait for it to be published in the paper", George said to himself.
He sat down at his computer, and began typing. Soon, electrons were firing through its processors, while neurons in his head sat there, apathetically, refusing to fire. He began typing his letter letter, seemingly in agreement with the article:
"We're just like you," begins the article on the Sun's editorial page of August 7th. We then learn that the authors, a loving same-sex couple, are active in their faith community, work hard, pay their taxes, love to garden and bake and dance and laugh. But they are treated as second-class citizens in Maryland, separate and not equal because the state does not recognize their "marriage" contracted in Canada.[1]
He read his first paragraph over, scanning it for errors. He sighed a sigh of relief, then excitedly shouted, "Excellent, this will really capture the attention of the pathetic liberal, equality-loving peaceniks! Once I've drawn them in, I can be completely irrational and prove my point! Muahahahahahaha!"
He thought about how to continue his letter for a few seconds, then continued typing.
He furiously began typing the next paragaph, his fingers moving faster than his brain (which, admitted, isn't a hard - perhaps a slug could do better). "Why should two loving, comitted, consenting adults be denied the same rights that accrue to heterosexual couples? Why indeed?", he wrote.
He thought to himself, "Perhaps I can call their arguments well-reasoned and logical as a joke. Only I'm capable of such logical reasoning", while typing the rest of his paragraph. He soon finished it, and was proud of his work:
Their logical, reasoned arguments have convinced me and I am going to write to my state representative and ask that he introduce legislation to end discrimination against any and all consenting adults who wish to enjoy the practical protections of marriage. Maybe he could call it "the Same-Sex/Incestuous Marriage Act of 2009."
He sent it off to his best friend and mentor to read it over. His friend, who was busy organizing the local KKK rally, quickly read it over and wrote back: "Two thumbs up - would read again!"
George read his entire letter again and then remarked to himself, "Perfect! I mocked the hell out of their stupid reasoning and brought up my own totally-valid reasoning as to why this is a terrible idea."
He read the last line over and over again, and thought aloud, "Someone might call it a slippery-slope argument, but I'm not even sure what that is, so who cares?"
Since he wasn't sure what a slippery-slope argument was, and didn't think it really mattered if he had made one, he continued in the same vein for the last paragraph, finishing up his hate-filled speech with this gem:
Yes, that's it exactly. Let's end not only the discrimination directed at consenting homosexuals but also that directed at the loving mother who wants to marry her (adult, consenting) son or the brother who wants to marry his (adult, consenting) sister. Let's just redefine marriage as the union of any two loving, comitted, consenting adults. Yes, I'm sure that will put everything right and make ours a more just society. As the sign the the photograph says, "Civil Marriage is a civil right." Yes, I think I'll get started on that letter right now.
After he hit the period key for the last time, he clicked "send" and the e-mail shipped itself off to The Baltimore Sun, where many were able to read it and laugh.
George, having felt accomplished, decided to call up his care taker and have them take him out for the day. You see, George is mentally handicapped, and incapable of any rational thought or judgment, let alone taking care of himself.
George Deller: Okay, so maybe he's not actually retarded, as that would be an insult to the mentally handicapped. But something tells me this guy has never had an intelligent thought in his entire life.
1. Source
Bel Air, MD, a rotten cesspoll of idiotic conservative thought.
George Deller has just finished reading The Baltimore Sun. He threw it aside in disgust. "Oh, that's it! How dare they run this story in The Sun! I'm angry, and I'm going to write a letter. I'm hopefully going to be completely illogical, and I cannot wait for it to be published in the paper", George said to himself.
He sat down at his computer, and began typing. Soon, electrons were firing through its processors, while neurons in his head sat there, apathetically, refusing to fire. He began typing his letter letter, seemingly in agreement with the article:
"We're just like you," begins the article on the Sun's editorial page of August 7th. We then learn that the authors, a loving same-sex couple, are active in their faith community, work hard, pay their taxes, love to garden and bake and dance and laugh. But they are treated as second-class citizens in Maryland, separate and not equal because the state does not recognize their "marriage" contracted in Canada.[1]
He read his first paragraph over, scanning it for errors. He sighed a sigh of relief, then excitedly shouted, "Excellent, this will really capture the attention of the pathetic liberal, equality-loving peaceniks! Once I've drawn them in, I can be completely irrational and prove my point! Muahahahahahaha!"
He thought about how to continue his letter for a few seconds, then continued typing.
He furiously began typing the next paragaph, his fingers moving faster than his brain (which, admitted, isn't a hard - perhaps a slug could do better). "Why should two loving, comitted, consenting adults be denied the same rights that accrue to heterosexual couples? Why indeed?", he wrote.
He thought to himself, "Perhaps I can call their arguments well-reasoned and logical as a joke. Only I'm capable of such logical reasoning", while typing the rest of his paragraph. He soon finished it, and was proud of his work:
Their logical, reasoned arguments have convinced me and I am going to write to my state representative and ask that he introduce legislation to end discrimination against any and all consenting adults who wish to enjoy the practical protections of marriage. Maybe he could call it "the Same-Sex/Incestuous Marriage Act of 2009."
He sent it off to his best friend and mentor to read it over. His friend, who was busy organizing the local KKK rally, quickly read it over and wrote back: "Two thumbs up - would read again!"
George read his entire letter again and then remarked to himself, "Perfect! I mocked the hell out of their stupid reasoning and brought up my own totally-valid reasoning as to why this is a terrible idea."
He read the last line over and over again, and thought aloud, "Someone might call it a slippery-slope argument, but I'm not even sure what that is, so who cares?"
Since he wasn't sure what a slippery-slope argument was, and didn't think it really mattered if he had made one, he continued in the same vein for the last paragraph, finishing up his hate-filled speech with this gem:
Yes, that's it exactly. Let's end not only the discrimination directed at consenting homosexuals but also that directed at the loving mother who wants to marry her (adult, consenting) son or the brother who wants to marry his (adult, consenting) sister. Let's just redefine marriage as the union of any two loving, comitted, consenting adults. Yes, I'm sure that will put everything right and make ours a more just society. As the sign the the photograph says, "Civil Marriage is a civil right." Yes, I think I'll get started on that letter right now.
After he hit the period key for the last time, he clicked "send" and the e-mail shipped itself off to The Baltimore Sun, where many were able to read it and laugh.
George, having felt accomplished, decided to call up his care taker and have them take him out for the day. You see, George is mentally handicapped, and incapable of any rational thought or judgment, let alone taking care of himself.
George Deller: Okay, so maybe he's not actually retarded, as that would be an insult to the mentally handicapped. But something tells me this guy has never had an intelligent thought in his entire life.
1. Source
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