God's Chosen Pedophiles

It's pretty common knowledge that, for centuries, practitioners of Judaism molested children, completely unabated. While the Hebrew people wandered the desert for 40 years, they touched children from all manner of different tribes and cultures. The First-Born Egyptian children were first molested by Hebrew priests before being put to death by the spirit of God during Passover. And, before Jesus H Christ was put to death at the hands of the Romans, he too participated in the sexual assault of minor children.

Throughout history, these practices were so common, one might say that such activities flow through the veins of the Jewish people. It's almost certainly a reasonable idea, I'd say.

And while this was a common practice for many, many years, it all stopped thanks for one brave man that stood up against the corruption of the Jews. That brave man's name was Adolf Hitler. Hitler will go down in history as a savior to children everywhere. Thanks to his death camps, many children were spared sexual abuse at the hands of Jewish people.

Wait. WAIT. WAIT.

None of that makes any sense. None of it all. Not ONE bit of it. I don't remember ANY of it being taught in history class, and I've never even read such fantastic, fanatically anti-Semitic fiction in any sorta revisionist, white-power propaganda book, either!

So why did I just write all of it? Oh, well, it's simple, really. I wrote it because THE PERSECUTION THE CATHOLICS ARE FACING OVER THEIR CHILD MOLESTATION SCANDALS IS JUST LIKE ANTI-SEMITISM AND STUFF!

No, really! It is, don't you see it!? I'm not just making this up! It's really far too ridiculous to make up.

Just go ahead and read about it:

ROME — A senior Vatican priest, speaking before Pope Benedict XVI at a Good Friday service, compared the world’s outrage at sexual abuse scandals in the Catholic Church to the persecution of the Jews...^[1]

See? Someone with a position of authority in the Catholic church actually said that. So, after reading that, my only real thought was, "How?"!

"How?" was an easy question to answer. The little bit of fiction I posted above explains it perfectly, I'd say. And if you don't believe that bit of fiction, then I really don't see how it makes any sense. So, while I'm not a conspiracy-theorist by any stretch of the imagination, I must believe that somehow, what I've come up with, is a valid theory, and historical fact.

I'll put it this way: If I don't believe my little story, my brain my implode. Without my story, I can't accept the comments by the Vatican priest; to even acknowledge their existence is too much, otherwise.

1. Source