Introducing Her Majesty, Queen Denise Albert, sovereign ruler of public spaces:
Queen Denise is the sovereign ruler of the place known as "Public Space". She ascended to her royal pedestal the day she popped out her first offspring.
Hours after giving birth, she was sent on her merry way, like most new mothers. Once out of the hospital, she found that people did not bend to her will, and that some were actually inconveniencing her. Moving quickly, she squashed the uppity public and started enforcing draconian measures upon them.
As she is royalty, you will do the following:
1. Open doors for her and her brood of offspring.
2. Not sit where you want in the movie theatre, as it might block the view of her royal offspring.
3. Move out of her way when her gigantic, SUV-sized stroller is rolling upon the sidewalk.
4. When at work and on "her time", work faster, as you cannot inconvenience Her Majesty. As Queen of Public Spaces, Her Majesty has important duties, and cannot be slowed down by incompetent workers that work at a normal pace!
5. Keep your animals away from her kids. Yes, it is your job to keep animals away from her kids, as She is royalty and thus does not have to control her children in public.
6. Step up and over the curb, as the little ramps they build are only for entitled folks that actually have wheels on something they're using.
7. Do not offend the Queen, or you will surely face her wrath.
If you can follow these seven simple rules, then you will be free to live your life in peace and harmony (as much as a public serf can, anyway). If you cannot follow these rules, execution is in your near future.
ALL HAIL QUEEN DENISE, OUR BENEVOLENT OVERLORD OF PUBLIC SPACES!
1. Source
Hours after giving birth, she was sent on her merry way, like most new mothers. Once out of the hospital, she found that people did not bend to her will, and that some were actually inconveniencing her. Moving quickly, she squashed the uppity public and started enforcing draconian measures upon them.
As she is royalty, you will do the following:
1. Open doors for her and her brood of offspring.
2. Not sit where you want in the movie theatre, as it might block the view of her royal offspring.
3. Move out of her way when her gigantic, SUV-sized stroller is rolling upon the sidewalk.
4. When at work and on "her time", work faster, as you cannot inconvenience Her Majesty. As Queen of Public Spaces, Her Majesty has important duties, and cannot be slowed down by incompetent workers that work at a normal pace!
5. Keep your animals away from her kids. Yes, it is your job to keep animals away from her kids, as She is royalty and thus does not have to control her children in public.
6. Step up and over the curb, as the little ramps they build are only for entitled folks that actually have wheels on something they're using.
7. Do not offend the Queen, or you will surely face her wrath.
If you can follow these seven simple rules, then you will be free to live your life in peace and harmony (as much as a public serf can, anyway). If you cannot follow these rules, execution is in your near future.
ALL HAIL QUEEN DENISE, OUR BENEVOLENT OVERLORD OF PUBLIC SPACES!
1. Source
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